After nearly every nerve-wracking, heart-pumping, anxious experience, I feel a feeling of relief accompanied by euphoria. What a wonderful feeling. The problem is, I let the smalllllllllest things get to me. The smallest things cause my stress and anxiety levels to rise to unhealthy levels. I need to stop doing that, hey? Task(s) at hand: release. relax. breathe. smile.
Today I stumbled across a book called "Dance While You Can; Gentle Reminders to Help You Live Life to the Fullest" in a lovely little Hallmark store. Being very open to methods of bettering my life and being fished out of the gutter, I cracked open the book and proceeded to flip through some of the pages which revealed optimistic, life-grasping carpe diem style quotations; though not only were quotations included, but also little true stories of peoples' lives which are slipping away or have slipped away. One went something like this: As a teenager, I was dying to end highschool and start college. In college I was dying to graduate and start a career. During my career I was dying to have a family life instead of working seemingly all day everyday. When I had kids I was dying to see them grow up with successful lives. With the kids grown up and my job I still had, I was tired and dying to retire. ... at this point in the story, the author stated that after retirement, he was dying to live but he was dying. Life just slipped away. He had forgotten to live.
This really stuck to me and made me think. We're always in a rush. Rarely do people stop, and smell the fresh air from the tall trees. What kind of life is this? Keeping busy is great. But don't we lose sense of direction and reason for living throughout a haltless life? In a rushed and busy life, it seems we just want things to end because we can't wait for something to begin and it's a continuous pattern; so when are we truly happy? Life is about the journey, isn't it? Life is about the journey.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
How does one simply fall into a depressive state and keep coming back to it when they used to be so happy and content with life and most of the people with which one was surrounded? Now it's as if this one doesn't care about those people, which isn't true, not one bit. But feeling this way translates to those important people that one no longer cares about them. But the thing is one tries desperately to hang on to hope and be fished out of the depression hole. ...but hanging on to the rare minute of motivation is as easy as hanging on to a rope about to break 400 metres above the ocean's angry waters.
The thing is, I experience way too much worry, sadness, and senseless obsession in my life. For a young adult female of 20 years, this causes me worry. ...or additional worry, in technical terms. Counting blessings is something I try with desperation, but unfortunately, I often have the negatives outweigh the positives. As a result, poor little me slips back into a hole and waits for something good. Nothing can be more depressing than w a i t i n g. One never knows when life will end. So why wait? There is rarely a good reason. But to act now one need muster some energy. Some motivation. Something to keep them going. Even that tiny bit that helps them finish a shit day. Often I lack that energy. Well, nothing else but hang on to hope some might say. There is, after all, always hope. Isn't there?
